There are a few points you’ll want to take into consideration before moving in together. Although moving in can be an exciting thing, there is such thing as a right place and a right time, especially when it comes to renting a U-Haul and moving or inviting somebody else in to live with you.
When Brooke and I started dating, I was 22 going on 23 and she was 28. There was an age difference that didn’t seem too noticeable at the time except for the fact that she had a condo in her name and I was living at my parents’ house still.
Due to this difference, it was apparent to me that it was time for me to leave the nest and be more independent. The thing was, our relationship was still new. I wasn’t ready to move from my parents’ house to my girlfriend’s.
1. Take the Age of the Relationship into Account
Age of the relationship isn’t necessarily the best indicator of when you should move in with your girlfriend. However, it certainly counts for something.
If the relationship is only a couple months old, then you might want to consider giving it a couple more months if staying at your current residents is feasible. I think I might always advise this because, just as a lot can happen in a few months, a lot more can happen if you give it a few more months. That’s not to say you will break up or anything, but it will be very reassuring to know that if the relationship can continue strongly when you aren’t living under the same roof, then there is even a better chance that the relationship will continue to progress once you two have integrated your lives together under one roof.
2. Be Very Honest with Yourself…Do YOU Feel Ready?
When I moved out of my parents, I did NOT want to move in with my girlfriend. I was against it actually.
The reason why is that I had always wanted to experience what it was like to have my own space and live by myself, even if just for a little while.
It got super difficult being an adult and still living with my parents and brother. It could be downright miserable sometimes. Honestly, extremely aggravating, seriously. So for me, it was personal. I needed to take another step towards personal growth and not just skip over it because I could come up with a good excuse or two not to.
It was a big deal for me to experience having an entire place to myself. I ended up finding an old apartment complex that had an open room in my budget on the top floor. I stayed there for about 8 months or so with a month-to-month lease. I got to do what I wanted when I wanted and take care of the place how I saw fit.
I believe that this was a big growing experience for me and I’m very happy I did this before moving in with my girlfriend. Knowing that I was independent enough to be able to live on my own in my own place and take care of it was a confidence builder to. It made me feel a bit more secure in myself I suppose.
3. Their Place or Yours?
This is really important to think about because if there isn’t an obvious choice here, then you need to feel excited to live at one place over the other. In other words, you don’t want to be downgrading your living situation. You don’t want to go from good neighborhood to a bad neighborhood either.
My advice here is to be mindful about how you will feel waking up each day in that particular place. Can you imagine yourself being truly happy or content there? Will you be content to be in that particular town? Don’t just move to make somebody else happy. Make sure the decision is one that you will be happy with on several levels.
Moving in is a BIG Step
Moving in is a big deal and it can be a hard decision to reverse. Talk several times with your significant other until you are both on the same page with house rules and such. It might sound silly, but it will make the relationship go a lot smoother if you both know what each other’s house rules are. This can be anything from smoking to when to do the cleaning and who will clean what. It sounds lame, but just try talking about it because these little things end up being important things.
4. Make Sure Both Presences are Known
One thing that can be easily overlooked is making sure that a bit of each of your souls is in the place where you will live together. This means the place needs touches of both of your personalities.
This can mean adding décor that represents both you and your partner. This can mean redesigning the place altogether and working as a team to purchase new colors or decorations that both of you like. This is about figuring out what will make your place exciting for the both of you to live in and to start this new chapter together.
5. You’ll Both Want a Space Within Your Place
Another truly important thing is to make sure that each of you have a space in the household to retreat to that feels like your own area to be free to do things you like in your spare time, or to relax, or to just simply be.
Having unique spaces can really help with keeping the peace as well. If both of you have to occupy the same space when one or both of you need some time to yourselves, this can be stressful. It’s totally healthy to have a spot to call your own little personal spot when you want some “me-time.” This can be an office, a spot in a basement, or a spot in a spare room. Truly, it can be anywhere, as long as it feels private enough for you to feel comfortable in when you need to be alone.
Final Words on this Great Relationship Endeavor
When we eventually moved in together and got ourselves situated, Brooke and I focused on respecting each other’s things and making sure one of us didn’t regret the decision! We really didn’t have an issue with that though. Moving in together felt right. I think it really felt right though because we were being so mindful about it and focusing on the exact things I’ve mentioned in this post. I made sure it felt like the right time, that it felt like the right place, and that it felt right for her too. Then, we were able to work on fitting ourselves into a place together like two perfect puzzle pieces.